Calamity
by LabelMeDead
Summary: Take a look inside my mind.


**Warnings: **_Drug use, suicidial thoughts, cutting, blood, and one-sidded incest. May cause triggering._

* * *

I hated the fucking world.

Such a negative way of thinking, I know. Who are you to judge anyway? You're the one with your finger up your nose picking buggers while driving thinking that _nobody_ can see you. _Hello,_ **I** can see you and frankly, it's quite unattractive.

"Roxas…"

"_What."_ I snapped at the older blond in front of me. He had his teeth wrapped around a syringe in his mouth, the need pointing towards me. This was Demyx, another idiot.

"I can't find your vein man." He said, untying the rubble band from around my upper arm and holding it up to me. "Zexion will get you some to snort. I need you to shoot me. I'm feeling sick." I growled and snatched the heated drug from him and gripped it the same way he had just moments before. I tied the rubber band around his arm and slapped the inner part of his arm, then took the syringe from my mouth; I took in Demyx's expression as I slowly stuck him. He let out a pleasured sigh as I drew a little blood and pushed the drug in. I wanted that feeling and I wanted it fucking now. I left the syringe hanging from Demyx's arm and went in search of Zexion.

Just to let you folks at home know, I, Roxas, have never done Heroin, I mainly light up weed and get fucking stoned out of mind. This time though, this time though…

I was going to kill myself.

I've had enough of this stupid thing called life. Stupid _fucking_ life.

I don't necessarily plan on using heroin, but hey if it works, it works. I could use the pistil under my grandfather's bed and really go out with a bang. Ha, did you get? Look at me and my fucked up humor. I'm laughing at my own suicide.

I can't find fucking Zexion.

I could just take the knife from the kitchen draw and stab myself in the neck, or maybe drown myself in the bathtub and set the radio on the edge incase I squirm. That way, I will knock the thing over and simply die from that, but that's too easy. I want a painful death. I don't know, I'm so fucking angry.

* * *

So, I didn't end up killing myself. Look at that? You wanna know what stopped me? I came home to Sora and his smiling face. One look at me and the alarm bells went of in his head. He didn't let me out of his sight for the rest of the night.

Stupid freaking Sora, Sora, Sora,

Sora.

Little brave naïve little Sora.

If you only knew how much I hated myself.

Oh wait, you do, we're twins after all. You've been there after every suicide attempt, every cut, and every fucking mistake I made.

Oh let's get drunk Axel and have sex. Let's do drugs Roxas and break in someone's house. Let's do this, let's do that.

Let's fall in love with your younger twin brother cause that's just how much a disgusting creature you are. Please, you aren't even human, Roxas. You're not even an animal.

You're nobody. You should die.

But I will not die as long as I have Sora, whether that love is returned or not doesn't matter to me. As long as I have Sora.

Sora.

* * *

You're tipping balls Roxas. This can't be real. No amount of blood this large comes from someone. It's just a bad trip. It's just a bad trip.

One really bad fucking trip.

You didn't cut that deep, but the blood won't stop. Where the hell is Sora.

"_SORA!"_

My voice cracks and I dunk my hand under the water. So much blood. Sora comes crashing through the door and I lose consciousness.

The room is dark when I open my eyes and I look around for Sora. He isn't there. I look at my arm and it's bandaged up. I place my arm back down when the door creaks open and it's Sora.

He cries.

And I want to die.

He told me never to hurt myself again. He made me promise.

I promised.

He told me to never take another drug again.

I promised.

He told me he loved me.

I told him I loved him.

He told me he would never leave me.

I cried.

He told me he set me up an appointment with a doctor so I would have someone to talk to that understood what I was going through.

The diagnosis?

Depressive Borderline Personality Disorder.

I'm one fucked up son of a bitch.

* * *

It's not normal to fall in love with your brother, let alone your _goddamn twin_, Roxas.

Oh hey, let's fall in love with your own reflextion and lets see where that gets in you life.

Nowhere.

Absolutely _nowhere._

So The doctor said I wasn't "in love" with my brother, she said I'm clearly confused about what love really is. I don't lust after Sora.

Ha, if she only knew.

* * *

I kissed Sora today, but it was just a peck, like the ones we used to do while we were little. He looked at me weird, but kissed me back. At least he didn't freak out. I don't think I could handle that.

It's been nearly eight months since I've started seeing my doctor, Xion and I have to admit, I have been feeling alot better. She put me on an anti-depressent called Lexapro. I think everyone needs to be put on one. It's great. I don't think I've been this happy in my life, but I think what brings me the most happiness is having Sora by my side.

As long as I have my brother...

I'll be just fine.

...Just fine.


End file.
